My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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