How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
