dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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