he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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