i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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