i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
