i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
