Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
