batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love having hate sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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