I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
