I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
