At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
