Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
