i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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