im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
