I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
