Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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