Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
