Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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