so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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