Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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