i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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