the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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