We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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