Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
