im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
