I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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