I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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