I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
