also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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