Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
