There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
