is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
