hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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