im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
