Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
