There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
