I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
