So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
