Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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