this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
