I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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