I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
