lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
