haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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