420 ftw
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
