I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
