after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
