..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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