yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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