you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
