We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
