I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
