I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
