Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
